x_yAjinG_x

zhen de..

2005-08-14T15:25:00.000+08:00

muai blogg closed in like MAY`05
yet
sum of uu guys are stiu taggingg.

ii reli haf not da least idea of wadta say oredi.

thank uu guys??

ii dunno.

...

gonna haf a shared blogg wit pris dar soon.
wheeeeeeeeeeeeee..

wonder if its gonna bee a blogg ii finally am gonna stick to.

cuz ii dun seem to stay long in anitingg.

...

but fer one tingg imma sure.

so sure.

its a relationship witout unnecessary promises.

and hes jux all dat ii eva wanted.

it sumtyms seems too good to bee true.

so much dat doubts are triggered erie now and den.

but now dat dey`re all gone.

imma drowningg in him again.

wheee.

imma not good at words reli.
but it doesn mata.
at least wii stiu haf our fav body languages.
haa haa.

typingg.
ponderingg.
backspacingg.

muai life shall bee of no regrets

cuz ii haf uu.

lurve uu lyk a slow loris =)))))

shall bee da final entry fer diz acc.
hope to hear muaiself soon thou.
its been so long..

till den...

ii lurve erieone of muai friends.
really.

*` abandone blogg alert -

2005-06-11T15:11:00.000+08:00

erMms jux realized dat bloggin doesn make miee a happier person lol.
oOwells. diz blogg ought to bee closed den.
imma so sicked.
of bloggin.
=)

wo men de gu shi

2005-06-11T01:39:00.000+08:00

" />
miee and priS darr =)

" />
yizhen.wengyi.miee.linda

" />
kettle & potTy =)))))

ii misS xuantingg*`
soli fer dao`ing uu
ii dunno wads wrong wit muaiself
bein slightly ova reacted maybee??
or perhaps a lil... cynical.
ii dunno...
msg miee again yeah??
=)

* * * * * * * * * * *

dear Heavenly Father

I thank You for every tiny detail that You have placed in my life to make me complete and whole. I thank You for bringing me these bunch of great friends and miracles too. I no longer run away from the tough challenges and troubles that You put me to, for that after solving each of them I know and I'll grow. I want to continue growing in Your presence Lord and I long for this kind of protection of Yours. Through each fall I'll not only grow on the outside but as well as on the inside Lord. I'm happy and of no regrets becoming your child Lord. I seek Your refuge everytime I'm in need and You never failed to give me comforts now and then. I pray that You'll continue to shower love and blessings on me like You always have Lord. I have faith and I'm a believer of Yours Lord. Nothing's going to change this passion and love for You Lord.

I pray for Your kindness Lord. You do not approve of christians yolking with people who are not. I pray for Your mercy Lord. I pray that You'll give me time to fulfill what You wanted. Love is not forceful. Love is of much patience. I'm willing to have him converted to a christian and be blessed and become a child of Yours Lord. But I will not force him Lord. I'm afraid that I'll fail but at least I've tried. Lord perhaps my act reflects selfishness but I just could not bring myaself to forcing him to become a christian, for that I love him, therefore I esteem his decisions and personal unique thoughts.

It's not a bondage Lord.

I love You Lord but I love him as well. I pray that my church friends especially Andy, Bryan and John in particular, will stop persuading and talking me into... into parting with him Lord. I could not have come this far without him and I would'nt know what to do without him Lord. Give us a chance Lord. Give us a chance. I pray that we'll make it through the rain and we'll make it through it all. I thank You for tender loving care. I neva want to part from You Lord.

World peace.

I pray all these in Jesus' most precious name

Amen.

no joke dear. no joke.

2005-06-02T17:11:00.000+08:00

ii dont wanna land in stranded parks
or rubbish chumps!!
esp on a beautiful sat night
when ii could have been curling up in seafoam greensSies!!
who would rather stay under no shelter??
with stupid moving air swepting against muai face
and take them as homed air cons??

NO WAAAY!!

nono. nah uh. noppes. uh uh.

unleashed cat.
unspeakable reasons.
unexpected circumstances.

and a BROKEN promise.

never thought ii'd end up like this.
cant even go home...
and the main xia lan reason lies in YOU!!
who would have expected uu to back off so suddenly??
uu inserted the game disc.
uu chose the character.
and loaded it with obvious anticipation.
uu ...

dirs so much that uu've done for me.
so much that we've been through together.
and so much that we have compromized just for each other to be happy.
for the mere sake of seeing the other party smiling.

and now...
its just much MESS that uu've left behind.

is it your cruelity
or is it my ignorance
that has caused me to reduced to such a state.
sucha state of unconciousnesS.

imma.. numb'ed.

***********

adopt me on sat nite kaes...
sat nite to sun afternoon...
gosh.
imma serious...
so serious.

a-d-o-p-t m-i-e-e...

tunaa and kitTy

2005-05-28T00:02:00.000+08:00

ya muai slave ; imma ya tunaa.

a simple wrong click

2005-05-21T13:59:00.000+08:00

Have you ever been in love? Horrible, isn't it? It makes you so vulnerable. It opens your chest and it opens your heart and it means someone can get inside you and mess you up. You build up all these defenses. You build up this whole armor, for years, so nothing could hurt you, then one stupid person, no different from any other stupid person, wanders into your stupid life. . .you give them a piece of you. They don't ask for it. They do something dumb one day like kiss you or smile at you, and then your life isn't your own anymore.Love takes hostages. It gets inside you. It eats you out and leaves you crying in the darkness, so a simple phrase like "don't want to ruin the friendship" or "she's just a pal" turns into a glass splinter working its way into your heart. It hurts. Not just in the imagination. Not just in the mind. It's a soul-hurt, a body-hurt, a real gets-inside-you-and-rips-you-apart pain.I hate love.Falling in love is exactly that - falling. You don't have any control over it.Well, screw that. I'd rather fall in chocolate. =)Sad, isn't it? We all walk around this high school (or this world), thinking things about people that they'll never know, never hear, because we'll never tell them. And maybe something terrible will happen, and we'll die tonight, and those thoughts, those might-have-beens, will disappear forever. No one will ever know.You always hear people say that you have to take the chance, you have to be brave and plunge - you've gotta tell that one person how much you really care for them.But we never do.I don't know if I ever will. Scared? Out of my wits.And though the might-have-beens, the possibilities, might someday outweigh the fear, rejection is just too terrible a thought.Maybe never telling someone how you feel is the price you have to pay to keep their friendship.

the reason

2005-05-15T21:02:00.000+08:00

*` cannt bee happier.

-cuz ii've jux gotten muai levis.

blesSed by muai sis de. hic.

-and cumin to realizations.

ii haf uu guys de shoulders to lean on.

-and best of all.

ii haf ya asSurance yeah.

erietym ii lift muai head to cee da sunn.

ii'd bee reminded of how much uu lurve miie.

thanks fer lurvin da sunn.

and romeeeo.

green.

hic.

thanks -

God

assurance =]

2005-05-15T15:48:00.000+08:00

ii lurve SUNNY daes.

and dirs more sunny daes to rainy daes.

ALWAYS.

*`=)))))))))

yesterdae

2005-05-14T19:21:00.000+08:00

went took neos wit linda at far east and hirs da evidence yeah.
supposedly shudd bee buyingg billabong stuffs fer sum fri3n of mine and her, shoes.
but endded upp goin home wit baggs of clothes instead.
aww...
ii felt damn badd wen datt billabong guy whu claimed himself to bee 18o plus approached politely wit datt kewt grin in eyes and kindly pointed to us datt billabong blackie tee.
sayin it jux arrived newly and it makes a goOd presSie fer boi fri3ns.
ii smiled and nodded while hhe continued hhis storie and blahh blahh blahh.
imagine how badd ii was wen wii walked out witout buyin a single string nor thread.
lols
told uu ii finished muai moneeeaayy oredi lahhs.
but haAx jux go cee shuang.
gosh imma feelin soo...
WICKED cann...

hmphh if wann cee more neos perliz refer to datt piinkie plastic board att tm de [rettie in tokyo kae.
haAx wii wir lyk bitt sianed soo went paste sum at tm lorhhs.
den ran into chris wif hher mum.
sweetly, lyk usual, she smiled and waved a lil.
and soo did her mum!!
its lyk...
how kewt and her mum gett lols.
hher mum was kinda kewt to bee honest.
=]

den sent linda darr to eunos mrt aftaward.
ii tink wii fergott to hugg lols.
aniwaes dirs soo much to tok bout wit hher yeah haahaahaa.
feel lyk decades since wii last met liddat.
hmphh.
imma soo gladd ii jio'ed her out yeah.
hmphh.
but wii both felt soo damn short lols.
walkin amongst dose pathetic tallies whu are pathetically tall.
and GOSH.
hopefully wii're NOT caught on cameras.
its gonna bee freaky if wii did.
aniwaes 2dae ii bitt emotionlesS lehhs.
since diz depresSin mornaa.

hmphh.
and ii jux cried diz mornaa.
but at least feelin all da beta now.
soo much fer not spillin.

*`thanks - erica.
all datt uuve said may bee insignificant to oders but it meant soo much to miie. and uu said it. and ii smiled. imma gonna make muai decision any tym. zen de hen xie xie ni yeah. =]

hell out.

2005-05-13T23:17:00.000+08:00

The Keys to Your Heart

You are attracted to those who have a split personality - cold as ice on the outside but hot as fire in the heart.

In love, you feel the most alive when things are straight-forward, and you're told that you're loved.

You'd like to your lover to think you are loyal and faithful... that you'll never change.

You would be forced to break up with someone who was emotional, moody, and difficult to please.

Your ideal relationship is comforting. You crave a relationship where you always feel warmth and love.

Your risk of cheating is zero. You care about society and morality. You would never break a commitment.

You think of marriage as something precious. You'll treasure marriage and treat it as sacred.

In this moment, you think of love as something you can get or discard anytime. You're feeling self centered.

What Are The Keys To Your Heart?

abstract from da same blogger ii lyk -
whatever. maybe we shouldn't even talk. i realize we're way too different. there's too much friction between us. i believe in telling people exactly what i think of them, be it good or bad. you believe in the power of encouragement. i couldn't care less if someone was put down for their inability to perform. you on the other hand, worry about the possible impact that might have on them. i really don't care.
-

>
haAx ii noe its nice cuz its muai guitaataa. probably. gonna bee da last tym ii touched it.. imma scared. aww.

*

suddenly dunn feel lyk tokkin zen mo ban...
hmphh aniwaes jux went out wif linda darr.
cann beecum tour guide nx tym liaos.
she spent moneeeaayy lyk wata cann.
lols cant tahan le lahhs.
hmphh aniwaes wii took neos in far east but went paste 'em in tm.
sianed lorhhs.
paste 2 uglie ones cuz bu se de da rest mahhs.
fuck.
imma deadly alive.
unreasonably depresSed.
gonna find muai way out darr.
ii cant rely uu fer goOd.
uu wun bee hir goOd.
and neither will muai lurve fer uu bee fer goOd.
its not lyk its sumting datt seems durable.
imma not strong.
at all.
dunn make miie wait fereva.
and dunn gif miie lame excuses and expect miie to digest 'em all.
lurves not a game uu play fer da sake of winnin.
its not wadd uu tink.
imma not ani oder gerls.
ii cant afford to bee neared jux beecuz ya bored.

but da ting ish.
ii will neba make uu cry.

dear heavenly father.
rain down on me with your holy presense.
drown me of my fears.
...
...
i pray all this in Jesus name.
Amen.

whole new perspective ;

2005-05-07T22:24:00.000+08:00

soli ferr pissin uu. uu and uu... ii dunno wadds up wif muai mood. ii cant tink rite...
came across diz certain bloggie. tot it kinda reflects da kinda situation ii used to land in yeah.. well. hir it ish...

xxxx's blogg:

i am so very tired. i don't really know why. could barely bring myself to walk properly today.
there are these days, especially in the late afternoons, or after training. when i just am too tired to walk. to talk. to even look at anything. when i just stop in my tracks, close my eyes and feel, actually feel the world whisking by. and when i open my eyes, nothing will have changed, but it'll always feel like something's died.

well. at least the most difficult part is now over. now i just go back to what i was doing two weeks ago. before all this started afresh with a "how are you". or was it "how's school". see, i can't even remember. so much has passed since.

got to open my eyes to everything

he's leaving. no. correction. he's left. he's gone. he probably has been gone for a really long time. and i swear, next time isn't going to be so easy.

it's raining. it's pouring. for the first time in .. gosh, i don't know. a month? since the last time we were at pasir ris? that's exactly a month.

i quite honestly don't know what to say. i thought it was different this time round. but when the blindfolds come off, i realize it's almost exactly the same. is it all going to be the same ever after? it's me then.

he said he was sorry. but he doesn't know what he's sorry for. i offered him a few possibilities. but he still could only manage to say "i'm sorry". i wonder if apologies ever really changes anything?

don't believe a thing they say todayturn around and walk awayeverything will go your way, i prayseems we all got lost amongst the pigeons and the crumbs

horrible. i'm never going to cry myself to sleep again. sure, it provides that momentary pseudo comfort, but you wake up feeling so much worse.

cos he's the one you should ignore

i can't believe i was quite so pathetic. but i did ask in the end. sort of. well, not really. i told him what to say.

i realize i've got myself to blame

everyone seems a bit out of it these days. like suddenly the total number of problems in the world has doubled, maybe tripled. and everyone's sharing the burden. i realize i really don't have much to complain about. just school. just him. and maybe just myself. no. i don't have anything to complain about anymore.

don't wanna play a game i know i'm gonna lose

i realized sometime yesterday morning that i truly do not have anything against school anymore. i mean, given half the chance, i'd still very gladly leave, or skip. but, honestly, i don't have the energy to put up much of a fight anymore. and i know that. so. now it's just. quiet acceptance? should have been that way since the beginning. we should all learn to just accept the lousy cards we get, instead of wishing for a wash. we should all just drift along on the merry river of life, instead of trying to grab a passing branch and hoist ourselves out. we should all just.. why don't we just all sit around and wait for death, really?

so that explains why i don't have anything to complain about school anymore.

held up so high on such a breakable thread

i have nothing against him, really. i knew it would end this way. i wasn't even serious at the start of it all. but somehow, somewhere, things change. things invariably change. and suddenly..i dunno. i guess i've dreaded this day. he did warn me. i can't plead ignorance. everything seems to be my fault. oh but how i wish he'd never messaged two weeks ago. he would be the last thing on my mind by now. had he not expressed such genuine.. let's not dwell on that. it's over. long gone. hang on to the present, why don't we.

you were everything

me, i love myself too much to complain at all. convincing enough?

i accept that there are many things i'd change about myself. i'd crack this entire exterior if i could. but really, all that crap we've heard about seeking comfort in misery? it's all true. every single last bit of it is true. i don't know where i stumbled upon the wonderful solution to all of my problems - by turning it all inwards - but i have, and now there's no going back to the way things were, in that pink and grey room of the past.

but we lost it

he asked me not to cry.

fade away

i have a 3-day MC. and i can't think of a better chance to just sit and reflect, get myself together, face the world again. no school till next tuesday. which means i don't have to see anyone at all till then. wonderful therapy with solitude. perhaps by then this would all be behind me. perhaps by then he would really have left, in all senses of the word.

so much for my happy ending

birdies

2005-05-07T20:04:00.000+08:00

xinning
7th May

Irene
7th May

happie happie happie birdae to uu yepps. takkaire and God blesS. meow.

this is life.

2005-05-02T00:50:00.000+08:00

so undesirable.

so unneeded.

so unwanted.

muai worlds crumbling down. saddness caving in.
ii just need to know.
where are uu..

***********

imma sorry potty ;
ii dont know what should be said. or rather. what shouldnt. ii appreciate your tolerance of miie all this while. and the affection you showered upon miie. ii feel safe. and secured whenever ya around. really.

an unbeating heart.

2005-04-30T13:57:00.000+08:00

potty was right.

romeeo has not the least right to ask juliett to quit the gambling habit she just picked up.
potty questioned ro.
and ro felt bad.
really bad.

potty asked ro.
who is he to tell juliett what to do??

and its true.

its true that ro doesnt have the right.

ro feels awkward.

horribly awkward.

he feels like if theres no one around would, for once, not go against him.

its not like that he wanted to be landed in this sort of situation either.

he just cant help it.

its just that theres totally nothing he can to to improve it.

hes struggling himself.

cant anyone see nor tell??

***********

juliett is getting more and more ungentle.

bit uncomparable to the one whom romeeo used to know of.

she makes slight fusses almost everytime they engage in conversations.

ro feels accused.

and drowns himself in the same awkwardness.

the kinda awkwardness which he could never get rid of.

for if he could, he would.

but he just cant.

so he drowns.

and gasps for air above.

over and over again...

***********

theres no one for romeeo to blame besides himself.

hes in a dilemma.

hes spilt in between of whether to amend the gap in between him and her.

or should he just stop breathing.

he dont know which is the better way to get himself out of the nightmare.

Boulevard of Broken Dreams.

he wonders if these guys feel the same.

in order to have such a suiting piece to be written.

ro dreads the life ahead of him.

and he hates cross roads.

he hates the fact he has to face them.

he hates the way hes expected to.

he hates everyone who puts him down, thinking that hes not down enough.

he hates jolly songs.

he hates sunny hot afternoons that beckons him home.

he hates to keep flunking.

he hates to be taken for granted.

he hates people to tell him what to do.

he hates...

he pretty much hates the whole world.

***********

not knowing what to do.

he turns to God and truly believes.

but was there ever a guidance shown??

ro is devastated.

he wants to sleep and never wakes.

he wants to feel that warmth he once felt.

he wants it to be from his so called home.

but since he cant.

he wants it to be someone whos there to promise him.

and that someone found him.

she said shes here to promise.

and she promised.

it was so predictable...

that she left.

but now.

shes...

back??

ro doesnt know what she want.

hurt.

yet he still wants to satisfy her.

he wants her to be happy.

and he wants that happiness to be from him.

love is selfish.

and ro knows it better than anyone else.

***********

sometimes ro gets tired.

and he hopes every morning he wakes would be a brand new beautiful day.

hes naive and hes childish.

he lives in a world he calls his own.

and he loves fairytales.

above all.

he loves that fairytale particularly.

the fairytale he shared with juliett.

once.

***********

what if romeeo stops breathing one day??

will anyone ever feel the tiniest bit of devastation??

will you juliett??

back to original

2005-04-22T23:55:00.000+08:00

Its been sucha long tym since ii last properly blogged bout miie and muai life yeah.
muai shallow fcuked up life.
no more infestion of saddistics.

not da least idea wadd ii wann.

wadds muai problem aniwaes?? ii oughtta bee glad dat tings are in da way it ish now.
shudnt ii.
lets not digresS and tok abt 2dae yeah.
gonna blogg it lyk a BLOGG. at least fer once a proper one.
=]

haAx.
as typical.
ii was late fer asSembly 2dae yeahh.
but it was too much fer 2dae.
and bladder choo was actin bit weird.
normly she wud neva blame miie fer da least fer bein late.
not to mention makin her late.
ii dint feel da guilt thou jux bit pisSed.
why make sucha bigg fatt fusS bout it??
but kae lahhs partially muai fault lahhs cuz she waits fer miie eriedae at dat e-e-r-i-e baqgate.
soli lorhhs...
and perliz show sum respect and stop callin miie papaya.
berrrlahhh.

-

it was durin recesS.
and its definately NOT da first tym...
PAK!!
ii was bein ABUSED in da gerls bathroOm!!
haAx.
it all happened wen ii told em bout how sum kidos wir bein bullied in muai pri skoOl.
soo dey deliberately tried it on miie.
how innocent of em yeah.
hmphhs.
soo da moment ii got out of da cubicle...
*gasp*
xuanting grabbed muai arms and pris unexperiencedly caught hold of muai neck.
dey wir lyk soo spastic can.
da funnie part was dat val kip sa3 jiao-in askin em to lyk let miie off.
(-_-i)
and lol. dat few upper sec babes vainnin at da mirror jux laughed it off.
and giggled deir way out.
yucks. dey sashayed out. nvm bout dat.
hmphhs.

-

jenn came bo liao bo liao in muai clasS afta skoOl.
and she caught...
pris darr runnin afta miie wif muai teen mag and dat real THICK yr boOk'o4, chasin miie lyk she wann jio miie liddat.
x3
wadd cud 3 gerls cum 1 guy probably bee doin in an empty klasSroOm on level 4??
haAx.
weiyang da pathetic was bein teased and mocked till can tahan no more.
poOr fella ii say.
expected.
da white board was full of diz lurve dat and uu suck muai toe dat kinda stuff.
da hilarious ting was...
pris darr wrote a hart ard val and weiyang de names.
and ii insisted val's name shud bee changed cuz she got hurr hurr lerhhs.
and ii tot weiyang seconded miie cuz hhe agreed as well.
but da smile of muai face was smudged wen hhe said val's name shud bee replaced by yajing.
and ii was all BLURRED.
nvm bout dat.
soo in da end pris darr and ii compromised and decided dat val shud go wif mr adrian!!
ouch.
it was a BIGG sacrifies can!!
muai mr adrian.. lol.
soo afta all dat nonsensical gosSips and pranks wii gerls got sumting special fer weiyang.
hehh hehh hehh...

-

haAx guesS wadd.
while leavin. jenn pris darr and miie rite.
went closed practically ERIE openin wii cee.
even tiny cracks lol.
tried suffocatin weiyang and indirectly murder hhim in silence.
closin all doOrs and even lights are off.
weiyangs hairs not even stiff lols.
hhe said not scare lehhs.
soo bo bian lorhhs...
miie again haa haa slided to and fro outside klasS corridor lyk despo oldd virgin.
lol waste muai fatts burnt haAx.
hhe dint even bother to feel da least frightened and asked miie to do it again...
dots.
soo afta woo-eee-arhh-ing wii left weiyang alone in da klasS.
den pris went ronnie ronnie ronnie rawks all da way to CO2 roOm.
soo miie and jenn da "cca-lesS" ppl meowed our way to tm and got miie YET ANODER P-I-I-N-K shirt...
yeah again.
imma kinda tired of pink oredi thou.
haiiss.
but nvm lahhs fer juliett darr.
gotta bear wif it yeah.
a PINK sundae.
gonna bee FUNN yepps.

-

actualie ii dun mind one...
jux dat...
haAx nvm larhh.

-

gerreeeaann rawks santa claus x'mas socks!!
student campie'o5.
awww!!

quizZie!!

2005-04-18T18:10:00.000+08:00

aww ii dunn care uu guys jux GOTTA try diz quiz out kkaes?? lols no lahhs its no ordinary quiz yeah... it kinda determines how much uu noe abt miie yepps. unexpected ans awaits... *sharp grin* meows. x3

http://www.quizyourfriends.com/yourquiz.php?quizname=050418055719-959136

R

2005-04-14T21:56:00.000+08:00

ever since the starting of year two. for the first time and instantly i knew something wasnt right. only that i did not expect it to be THAT quick. yeah. you know it best dont you. you people just love bringing me down.

huan- it wasnt about the campe if you really wanna know. its just that i couldnt hold my tears anymore. the talk you had with me took place at the wrong time. consequently thats what happened. i dont wish to elaborate on unhappy stuffs. and i had enough of all this shit.

im barely hurt.

how about another try??

looking at you disgusts me to the very core. dont make me puke my bile out darling. i had enough of liquids lost. four cries a day. tell me its not enough!!

video yeah

2005-04-11T18:53:00.000+08:00

lol starrin weiyang da dummie. shot by miie yay.

fu yan

2005-04-06T22:42:00.000+08:00

a lurve collage yeah. credits to terrenCe!!

7 days... yay... a worship team lai de.. but has got real punky nice songs recorded yepps.

I GAVE HER MY FIRST TIME.

2005-04-04T15:35:00.000+08:00

wif lotsa "anticipation", ii received a strikin green form from sluttie goh 2dae. how audious can she get?? not even a single warnin was given sehhs. jux kip shootin miie and yun wif her harshy inhuman words. all dat escaped her mouth was way more awful than wad wii learnt in da s2 chp6 lehhs... dat hectic woman. but ii cant posSibly let all da blames rain down on her either. cuz women of her age are usualie da ones whus gettin off track yeah. unbalanced at hart. shit how, shes stiu at fault ii dun care.

ii ANGRY oredie!!

gosh. if not fer wad regina dey all said whilst tryin to comfort miie ii wudnt haf coOled down diz quick. tired to mention names but uu noe whu uu are kae... big thanks to all. lots of lurve.

FUCK YOU GOTHIC GOH.

gosh. shudnt bee wastin muai energy on sucha twerpy whores lyk uu. wad a live example.

***********

hmphhs hopefully xxxx wun cee diz entry lol. or else muai converse hhe promised will bee a GONER. OUCH. ermms cuz hhe said rite, if ii change fer da beta... as in muai ap lahhs... den hhes gonna blesS miie a CONVERSE SHOP. lol. converse stuffs lahhs. but heyy, jux uu wait and cee.

but sure enuff. ii meditated abt wad hhe told miie yeah. perhaps, fer real, its tym to change lerhhs. even thou da tings ii haf, own, or earned may neva bee da same again, may not bee positive or so. perhaps it reli all doesnt mata dat much oredie bahhs... cuz its GOD's way. and ii noe HE's gonna bee happie abt miie steppin on da rite path HE paved fer miie to walk on yeah.

aniwaes. its been sucha WRONG dae in skoOl. and imma feelin sicked. cuz hhe stiu haven reply muai msg lol. sms lyk mad since sat nite. blehhin away all sorta nonsensical stuffs. at least ii dun feel stresSed out msgin hhim cuz uu noe wad... hhes a nice fri3n to spill stuffs to yepps!! =3 meows.

p.s.. stop barkin at miie lol.

uu lost ya fone

2005-03-16T23:00:00.000+08:00

imma not angrie lerhhs.

soli fer bein petTy.

"howeva much uu lyk mii cant stop mii from eatin kfc."

ii take dat baq.

lurve uu more than a freakin mondae.

yepps.

=)

berrllehhs. uu and uu.

2005-03-07T23:12:00.000+08:00

usuallie ii onlie find muaiself typin blindly on blogg wen imma devastated and feelin worn out. but not now. not animore. cuz ii've jux gotten da comfort ii needed frm bee bee. quite surprised of wad hhe said baq on sat thou. it was abrupt thou. yet eva soo meaninful and hart meltin. as in. its lyk as if hhes got da ability to revive da dead earth and make it revolve ard uu liddat. dats da kinda amazin feelin ii used to desire frm hhim. but haAx. guesS now ii stiu do bahhs. but lOok. we're fri3nx. and imma soo glad dats da wayy wii turned out to bee afta all. =] laa laa.

and imma soo darn madly in lurve wif cats nowadaes. *ii mean cat. as in. da real ANIMOO.* jux realized dat hhis born ability of influency iSh real great. wad an impact on an innocent and vulnerable gerl lyk miie~ *surelee veli innocent* laa laa laa... seriously cats are lyk... eriewir. lol. dats cuz... ii drew it eriewir. yepps. on muai guita. on muai noteboOks. exam papers. hws. and even on muai hand, lyk a temp tattoo. aww!! and uu make miie wanna la la!! lolx pervertic immatured moronice kidoic macho-not skeleton-lyk moron moron moron moron moron moron moron moron moron... laa laa laa...

live in black

2005-02-22T21:17:00.000+08:00

WHO ..

-makes u smile
_x anione.esp him.

-pays your cellphone bills
_x uu.

-do you think loves you
_x God. and... muaiself.

-do you want to slap
_x hmph... nobody. =]

-is the first on your phonebook
_x heEhs hhim.

WHAT ..

-don't u like about in this life
_x wen uu'd finallie learnt howta cherish. da tings dat uu lurved truly haf oredie perished.

-do you want to do right now
_x go skoOl. soo hhe can walk mii again... *bites lips*

-is it that makes u smile
_x hhis smile.

-bothers you
_x ii tried cheerin muai nee up but failed harshly. and ii cried. and val tot its her fault... wen it reli wasnt... ; how can ii eva gain baq sumting dat ii've lost??

-color signifies your personality
_x hhe lurves green. ii lurve black. wii lurve pink. =]

-do you like in your house
_x muai cds... and muai stuff toys. and.. oOkae... da stuffs and letas frm hhim.

WHEN ..
-is your birthday
_x sumdae dat hhe rmbers.

-did you last saw ur school
_x its too cute to loOk.

-will you get serious with your life
_x ii've learnt to. but tings jux dun seem to bee da wayy it used to bee animore. maybe ii shudnt haf changed. maybe ii shudnt haf changed. and maybe ii shudnt haf changed...

-do you think will there be peace
_x wen muai parents get baq tgt ; and wen uu are hir... whether wii quarreled or peace it reli doesnt mata...

-did you do your last prank
_x woo... imma caught. boO.

WHERE ..

-do you live
_x sumwir near hhim.

-is your ur school located
_x tanahh merahh.

-do you hang-out the most
_x tm.

-were you born
_x hk. den moved.

-do you plan to have your end of year holidays
_x muai fri3ns and ii are goin to shanghai. skoOl says its compulsory... oO muai goshh. its gonna bee great. NO restrictions. NO frame. and NO parents!!

-are you now
_x hhis house. surelee one lorhhs.

HOW ..

-would u define love
_x a game dat two can play and both can win.

-do u want ur burial to be
_x sumwir hhe visits ril often. muz play goodcharlottes songs yeah.

-freaky can you get
_x bee stripped.

-often do you listen to music
_x as often as hhim.

-do you live your life
_x live it in black. nahhs. owaes strugglin.

-interesting are you
_x blehhs. imma drop dead sickenin.

last words?
_x dear father Lord. rain down on mii. and touch mii again. ii long fer salvation and livelihood. imma hungry fer ya wisdom. desire hhim whu lurves generouslie. hhe whu lurves cats. hhe whus cowardlie brave and amazinlie big on da inside. hhes all ii eva wanna. all ii eva wanna. amen.

ii've waited all muai life ; to crosS dis line.

back to valentines' 05.

2005-02-16T21:32:00.000+08:00

st. valentines'05

boO. ii received 14 vv gifts.

an awesum valentines dae spent wif a bunch of gerls. yepps gerls. lets omit yihan. lol.

hmph aniwaex bfer we went catch constantine ii went meet muai jie... and he gave mii an ugly fluffy penguin. yepps its damn ugly. jux lyk him. haAx. erms honestly ii was veli much exuberant upon receivin it as a vv dae gift thou ii practically hid dat happie loOk beneath thruout da short conversation wif him. laughs...

yihan pleaded mii to lend it to him. he kept scratchin its armpit areas... and den he DROPPED it!! GOSH. ii got pisSed and threw a handful of popcorns at him. how spastic can he bee?? can drop tings wen we wir oredie sittin on da floOr!! lol ferget it.

hmph. soo ii had a burden on muai shoulder thruout moz of da muvee. lol. NEE NEE!!

and in additional to dat she kept askin how cum dat man liddat and whus dat gerl and wad da man's doin blah blah blah... IMMA NOT DA DIRECTOR DEAR!! laughs...

but wadeva. aniwaex Keanu Reeves was damn shuai lorhhs... *innocent grin* can uu believe it... unda comparisons his skin complexion iSh much beta than Angela's [jux in case, Angela iSh da leadin actresS in constantine.] lorhs!! lol...

******afta tuition******

fer sum damn heckin reasons ii've gotten muaiself kinda depresSed yeah.

and da moOd of bloggin abt muai 1derful valentines'05 went and met da wall. and yes to dat, ii seriously DO gif a damn abt da person whu said dat. yepps. absolutely. certainly.

*_Don't waste your time on me

You're already the voice inside my head

Don't waste your time on me

You're already the voice inside my head_*

ii misS uu.

now and owaes...

ii lurve uu Jie...

dunno if ii mean it...

but weneva uu wirnt hir...

ii feel surprisinly devastated...

and defiantelie hate da sight of couples walk da walk and tok da tok...

laughs.

why neva ii tot of laughin at muaiself den??

neva had ii tot of da feelins of da oders.

ii neva.

Jie...

tell mii uu no longer iSh insensitive abt mii...

tell mii uu can tell even thou no1 tells uu...

tell mii uu noe wad ii conveyin.

uu said uu misSed da oldie goOd tyms. well. soo do ii. even moooore than uu. but uu jux neva seem to notice yeah?? maybe it doesnt mata at all. neva did.

bonkers.

sec1 welcum partay!!

2005-02-04T23:21:00.000+08:00

picssy taken on x'mas yeah. starin dd 1D'04

x'mas at tm yeppx

damn childiSh. ^whu arr...

mii and muai lolli

1Derful Devilicious Angels'04

ii lurve diz damn celeb so darn dat it tataly drove mii bonkers can!!

thou itx jux wet and wet and wild lol.

lurve muai juniors yeppx. esp Yunica and Georgina and Alessia hohoho dey're lyk... stunning lol. =] thank God trufully for diz undeniably awesum dae yeppx!!

what you brought forth.

2005-01-22T01:53:00.002+08:00

I tried deceiving myself that I'm not in love anymore. Yet the truth harshly slapped me back to reality. Seeing you causes the profuse bleedings in my heart and sharing every little momentary seconds with you made my heart skip. A lot.

I was greatly amused the very moment I found out that I loved you all along. But I guess that it doesn't seem amusing anymore. my life is now ruined. pieces of shattered memories are scattered. rejected love from me to you are here and there. They are thrown everywhere.

Only minutes I took to realise who you are to me. It wasn't too long. But it was too late. As by then, you don't love me anymore. You don't even remember me. At all. Vividly, I recalled those days when I loved you at all cost. Wasn't long. In fact, 7 days were damn short.

Undeniably, you're good looking to many. That makes much sense to why I always dare not to look straight into your eyes, for I'm afraid that you're still as adorable as I remembered you to be.

Yet, your presence to me was vague. Real vague.
My life devoids of your presence. all along.

The day you grabbed me by my hand spiritually when I was drowning in misery, I thought you were back. I thought you were turning back to me. Unexpectingly, you turned, only to have a glance of me, making sure that I wasn't crying anymore, and gladly moved on with your exciting life. Without me.

The times of confusions, are the times when I was face with the question...

"Who am I to you?"

I hold no answers. And neither do you.

Not long ago, you claimed that I am like a close friend to you whom you had spilled certain unreavealable secrets to. And now?

Look at me. Can you even recognise me already? Doubts infested my soul.

I don't wanna be vulnerable like others, yet each time, I allowed myself to land in shitty situations. There's no promising consequences and choices which I am exposed to. None.

A simple look at you makes me feel naked. You should know how that feels yeah? But... Perhaps what you understand about me isn't important anymore. Undecisive. And if there ain't any answers, how can guesses be expected? Just like the way I don't know my heart.

I made two wishes and only either will happen...

x. I can be the one to whom you go to and spills every happy, or unhappy, things to.
x. You would ignore me till the day I am able to get my eyes off you completely.

Like I said, to me, maybe it really doesn't matter that much already...

***********

But if you were me, which one will you prayed hard for?

fcuk.

2005-01-13T22:51:00.000+08:00

itx lyk... why do ii even bother.

skoOl lifes goOd. itx gettin soO damnly fantasticular dat ii'd a feElin of as if bein blinded by deCeiption.

seriously tings are gettin soO steady and patently awesum. thou in a ridiculous manner. but whu cares. tO elaborate it a bit. iSh dat sinCe da 1st dae of skoOl reopenin, ii'd bein actin lyk sum1 imma nOt. itx lyk... ii tried changin muaiself intO sum1 well... sum1 whus niCe?? nOpx. dir's soO much more tO it. ii'd totallie lost muaiself. tO sucha extent dat even muai close fri3nx cant take it. ii HAD lost muai own personality and mos of all. among all dat ii can misS durin da hypocritic period, it wud be muai attitude. misSed it darnly yeah. and now dat imma happie hIppo again. fer ii'd gotten baq muai unreasonably attitude. nOt dat imma a hypocrite, or relatives of it, itx cuz of da fact dat, ii wanted tO bcum a reli... ii dunno... jux a niCe person wif niCey niCey character and uprite attitude bah... noting wrong wif changin fer da goOd and fer goOd yeah?? but ppl jux wun get it. and unda circumstanCes. rumours starts.

if uu ask mii. as far as ii noe. dir's onlie diz ONE person whu can eva deprive mi of muai happinesS yeah. shes da one. but why does it hafta be her... if onlie she'd neva make it tO ahs. if onlie she'd neva getta noe him. and if onlie she doesn msg mi once in a while askin if ii cud drop by her clasS.

TOO MANY IF ONLYs, TOO LITTLE TIME.

she plays a crucial part in his life. as least fer now. shes imp tO him. shes means tO him. and jux gif him a lil more tym. she'll be HIS. dey haf deir eyex on eaCh oder. how sweEt.

yeah rite...

she again msged mi 2dae. askin mi tO drop by her clasS durin recesS. bu yao lian. whu do uu tink uu are gerl?? whu makes uu tink dat ii've all da tym in da wurl tO bother tO care abt uu?? whu are uu tO mii yeah?? ya invisible tO mii now. all ii can iSh tO ignore uu. ii cant even hate uu. wad shud ii do?? Pastor Kong says itx spiritual murder if one does hate another person. dir fer ii dun hate. it no longer exists in muai dictionary yeah.

guesS wad ii'd reply her yeah?? oOps. ii sounded sorta sarca dint ii?? ii'd be damn sorrie if uu arent pisSed by muai reply. yeppx. pathetiC.

wadeva yeah. tings are reli turnin fer da beta. but tellin frm past experienCes... weneva ii start hopin tings cud lasts, it worsens. reli nOt expectin much but fer life tO show bit merCy yeah. dun make mii scratCh muai faCe and get muaiself dizfigured kae. dun drive mii intO insanity. toleranCe iSh limited.

Regina iSh sucha cutie of a kind. ii "attaCked" her 2dae. endin up we both fell ontO da cemented hard floOr. but it was fun thou silly yeah. i practically jumped on her baq WIFOUT her noein!! and da unexpectant of her "vulnerability" caused our fall. heEhx. but we dint care. jux kip laughin our lungs out. shes cute. real cute. and Sing rawks yeah. sucha coward lolx. but a cute one yeppx. it was hilarious.

"The Tsunami". goSh. muai uncompleted compo. Ms Sangeetar iSh soOoOoOoOoOo niceeeeeee yeppx. arrrrrgh. jux hopin dat 2molo i cud tok LESS durin her lesSon and quicken muai pathetic pace of esSay writin. HOW PATHETIC ISH MUAI SPEED DEAR!! nahx. mainly cuz ii was distracted ALL DA WHILE. itx either cuz nee and ii kip gosSipin. or dat mianzZ and mii kip smilin sillily at each other. or dat weiyang iSh veli much of a conversationalist. blah blah blah.

*yawns*

slept at yeow yeow's clasS. yay. but cant do it again liaox!! Gor said if i do again surelee cant catch up da new symlibus de... *yeah yeah spellin error i noe i noe...* phew. fer whueva's sake. imma gonna study well. yay. I HOPE.

*smiles*

niteyyy.

2dae.

2005-01-09T15:27:00.000+08:00

hiieeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee.

deres prettie muCh dat in whiCh toOk plaCe unpleasantli recentlie yeah. but lyk wang zi owaex say, soO wad?? itx not lyk i can be brot down ani further.

yeppx. i may be stubborn and sarca. but sumhow i managed tO suppresS muai feElinx yeah. i resiSted seh!! cuz... eh... we toOk da same bus yesterdae and i was lyk... tried pretendin angrie and tried ignorin wadeva he initiatex. but arrrgh. no mannerx yeah. heEhx.

but aniwaex lahx haa haa haa. da fave topiC moz ppl kip askin iSh... guesS wad?? lmao.

"any new target so far?"

nahx!! duh... as if da heart breaks stiu not enuff eh?? lol.

and currentli dunno whyyy imma kinda addiCted tO robbie williams de Angels yeah. well... da lyriCs are lyk... soO nice nice lorh. *bleargh* arrrgh~

blah blah blah went siStaR hostel slumber. slacked da nite awayyy surfin crap nets. *yawns* grabbed erie ting edible found in her doOm and stuffed inside muai mouth. heEhx. damn hungry yeah. oOyeah afta church serviCe went eat wif da new cell ppl. seEmed rather nice. and Bryan kept grinnin. i noe i noe!! heCk. i was wrong kae... haix...

deres diz Yvonne gerlie veli de cute. she kinda resembles Alicia!! yeah no oder than Alicia!! oO muai goSh!! she wears a pink framed spec whiCh in return fer sum reason gave her additional cheErfulnesS. kawaii neh!! and she jokinglie promised Brother Ivan tO not onlie tc of mi but oso will lurve mi lotx. HA!*wInks*

den deres diz Matthew guy. sumhow loOks MUCH beta than dat matthew in our skoOl. lolx. *shhh* yeah and hes niCe yeah. often tried initiatin convos. in charges of da whole cell.

Melissa. erm... loOks funnie but quite chio de. owaex kana teaSed by Yvonne. niCe toO.

Irine?? *spellin error??* quite diztant wif her soO far. nOt reli pasSionate or goOd loOkin but... bleargh* neutral impresSion of her.

John. blabs alot. tokative. spec. mature loOkin but childiSh speakin. funnie. lame. complicated nokia fone. HA! mixes quite well wif Bryan.

Luoye. 20+. niCe guy. fri3nlie. quite niCe. sorta warm. quite niCe. sorta joker. quite niCe. sorta abnormal. but ova all hes QUITE niCe yeah.

eh... stiu quite a few of em lahx hor but dunno da namex yet. oOpx. omoz 4gotten... diz YangJing guy?? stoOpid lorh. not reli niCe. not nasty. not neutral. not fri3nli. not smiley. not... dunno lahx but jux dun haf a goOd impresSion of him yeppx. and mainlie cuz he has got a name pronounciation QUITE similiar tO mine. DUN LYK IT!! *rolls eyes* ARRRRGH!!

*panting*

worn out oredie. bleargh* deres stiu soO much cumin dat ive gotta deal wif care and patient yeah. heEhx. but i tink i care orh?? gotTa take a nappie 1st. 2molo got test. but nO point studyin sinCe imma not gettin aniting intO muai brain i jux new it!!

yvonne!!

*grins*

blah blah

2005-01-07T20:10:00.000+08:00

changin blog skinnie. changin moOd. care freE. reli wondered wen was da last tym i feEl diz easie breEzy wayyy...

dere wun be 2molo. fer mi.

2005-01-06T21:37:00.000+08:00

itx all bin a mizundastdin. tO wad i was told. called p. she explained erieting. fair enuff. hope all diz crappx are oredie ova. cant afford tO get strucked again. surrounded by hypocritex.

nnie gotta nOe min. and dey're progresSin quite fast huh. yeppx. and he used mi iznt it. fished fer her no. and... datz it. imma worthlesS tO him now. goSh. imma neva gonna tok tO him again. not even in da new cell. nO wayyy. get a life. shes toO goOd fer u. or wadeva.

imma jux... SICKED. of erieting.

3rd Jan 05

2005-01-05T18:37:00.000+08:00

itx probablie da 1st tym and instantlie i was feElin lyk an... o u t c a s t. goSh. it aint happenin tO mi. itx imposSible. i tried comfortin muaiself yeah. i tried. yet tO no avail. pathetic yeah.

seriouslie imma tinkin of transferin. cuz itx lyk... if u wir in muai shoe, u'd probalie be spontaneus abt it toO. trust mi. u wud.

how does it feEl tO be baq stabbed by sum1 u trusted soO much dat u'd actualie whole heartedlie spilled erieting tO her. filled her wif erie detailx. update. and gosSipx.

and wad cud be worse than bein taken ova by diz.. close fri3n... REAL close... wad if she jux happened tO soO INNOCENTLY PULL awayyy ya fri3n. a fri3n whum u owaex parnet wif. work erie ting wif. money spendin wif. gosSipx wif. sing wif. sum1 whu omoz joined sg idol wif. sum1 whum i realised cant livin wifout in skoOl.

within 3 short daex of skoOl reopenin. all diz disatsterx. or shud i sae catastrophiex. are oredie takin placex!! how do u tink i shall spend all diz nail walkin momentx yeah?! tell mi how.

muai mum jux wun undastd mi. she often neglect muai feElinx yeah. but i got quite used tO oredie. fri3nx?? dun ask mi tO gif up. itx imposSible tO mi. i dunno why all diz are happenin. not da least idea. haf i jux sinned?? did i arson?? robbed or killed??

itx eder u guyx haf changed. or imma gettin more bitchy. shud i transfer?? Linda said she welcums mi. wad do u tink =]??

drenched pacifier.

2005-01-03T19:14:00.000+08:00

basicalie i dint do much meaninful tingx 2dae as usual yeah.

but rather... guesS dat ive learnt sumting valuable. sumting dat i cud haf been blinded of. yeppx. her betrayal yeah. bein taken ova by stupidity, i spilled muai heart tO her. practicalie ERIE TING. not givin muai secretx any chanCex of escapin. and diz iSh how she'd paid mi fer bein sucha true fri3n yeah. betray.

believin in u made mi a foOl.

stresSed out totalie. i got moOd swingx soO much often dan bfer. itx lyk... a mixture of confusions and... bitternesS. imma afraid of bein led astray. i reli am. but y are sum out dir callin mi lian and... pai kia?? no... sinCe diz earli morn i wake, as i put muai uni on, ive beEn tellin muaiself tO behave lyk a model student. i did. but i cant even listen tO muaiself fer da veli least.

4get it.

oOyeah... ive made a new fri3n 2dae. haa... she was real shocked by mi i guesS. she's a gerl newli transfered intO our skoOl yeah. 2E de. nameli Jolin. or Jolene?? erm... she loOkx cute tO mi. dats y toOk da initiative tO approach her yeppx... and eriCa, gina and amanda wir all loOkin a lil... astoniShed by muai movement. lolx. but hey... she was all alone by herself den... her clasS wasnt familiarised wif her yet... imma jux bein... pasSionate yeah?? heEhx. serious de lahx.

=)

and hey... i saw u 2dae... wen mi, gina and neex wir off fr skoOl tO tm... i dunno how i saw u cuz u wir... a level up yeah?? but i jux saw u... and u waved yeah... elated. glad tO be ya close fri3n lyk u claimed da other dae. yeppx. enuff. enuff fer now. cuz... i reli dun wiSh tO feEl bloOd rushin tO muai head wen c u in skoOl again. i rather... u jux greet. or smile ya killer smile yeah. itx... enuff yeah... reli. = ] ...

and i saw gigi wif her stead at tm. dey wir rite den goin tO catch a muvee yeah. sweEt uh... =)

i reli treasure gi. i reli do... she's jux da kinda perfect fri3n u can eva ask fer in life yeah. but da sad part iSh dat... she's not in muai skoOl yeah...

cheEr up. life cant be dat bad yeah?? huanzZie wud say... she's another fri3n i wud lyk tO treasure yeah... thou she iSh bit of indifferent. she's nice. i mean real nice. lolx she's not readin muai blog animore. soO i guesS i can type wadeva tingy abt her hir yeah. lmao.

gina and neex jokinlie quarreled ova whu owned da pieCe of abandoned land in tanah merah. neex said she bot dat whole area and iSh intendin tO build intO roadx fer carx. while gina argued she den iSh da owner of dat pieCe of land and she wans it tO be build intO a museum of public toiletx. dey jux went on and on. and i omoz laughed til muai stomach went dead. while da dear betrayer of mine kept silent thru out. she new she'd dizappointed mi. but... i dint go afta it yeah... i jux kip muaiself ocCupied by laughin soO hard dat i coughed muai lungx out.

afta sendin gina tO da bus stop i went walkin in da drizzle. da Lord was kind. and magnificent yeah. he onlie cried a drizzle fer mi.

i lurve da rainy daex more than sunny onex. weird huh. dunno lahx... can be reli sociable wen i tends tO wantin tO be fri3nlie tO strangerx... but rather close up and saddist wen muai moOd left mi unattended.

imma not a pesSimist. i dun eva wanna be. no.

Lord cried on muai shoulderx 2dae yeah. but wadx dat on muai faCe?? it muz be da rain dropx. it cant be tearx... it muznt be...

GOOD famili?? HA!

2004-12-29T23:32:00.000+08:00

wadx ya defination of GOOD famili. i dun get it. and i probablie neva wil. thou i wasnt dere. tO witnesSin muai parentx divorCe. til muai aunt pronounCed it tO mi and muai siS. obliviouz. astoniShed. devastated.

as far as i can rmb. i SELDOM recal dat dey wir both dere fer mi. appearin tO mi, dey jux soO COINCIDENTALLI, and ridiculousli seperated?? nOpx. not dat simple.

y do u tink i deserve tO growin up in a broken famili?? i was brot up in a "single famili". thou dey stil livin in da same house. sleEpin in da same roOm. eriedae i reaChed home, whu do i seE?? muai MAID!! at home. she owaex seEmed lyk da ONLIE person whu undastds mi. how PATHETIC.

and ocCasSionali, muai mum wud drive her wayyy, in a tipsy condition, tO our other "home". yeah. i used tO haf 3 housex in diff plaCex. but now lehx?? i dunno. dey arent muai "homex" animore. do i even haf sumwhere belongin dat makex mi feEl homed?? dun i nOt deserve it.
i was naive. and i was childiSh den. ril childiSh.

dun cum tellin mi how u were bein brot up in ya FORTUNATELI, WONDERFUL famili.

YOU ARE SUCH A SICKENING BITCH. *dun be modest. twerp*

berrrrrrynniiiiiiiiiee...

2004-12-28T22:07:00.000+08:00

***************

i haf no s p e c i a l appearance

no u n i q u e character

jux an o r d i n a r y commoner

whu b e l i e v e s in fairytalex

n o t for de fancy glass slipper

o r de handsome prince

n o r de silky long hair dat repunzal owns

but de happilie e v e r l a s t i n storie

it might seem n a i v e

but dats my virtual imagination of muai f u t u r e

***************

p.s./goin out lata... haa haa haa dun tell u wir...

counted downed

2004-12-25T23:50:00.000+08:00

seEminly, ive finalie made a right choiCe in joinin da x'mas count down at Orchard.

(Jeremy, Dinah, Ivan and Ivory, sheila, yeEwen, zhihao, haoCong?? xXx and xXx.) sum of em were new soO i cant exaCtly rmb deir namex yeah. i suppose i onlie can vaguely piCture deir faCex in muai mind. cuz we wiShed eaCh other merrie x'mas onlie. but dun tink dey'd rmb muai name either yeah. cuz one of em called tO mi wen i was leavin. "my friend's friend!" he shouted. i turned and we were loOkin eyetOeye. but he aint dat kinda shuai ge whiCh appearx in muai diCtionary. haAx. and i continued walkin wif Dinah. *morre lyk squeEzin thru da jam* cant stOp. cuz she was holdin muai arm. but i regret nOw. cuz if we'd stopped we wun kana puShed. and we wun fall. and diz gerl definatelie WONT kana... touChed... dat fuckin asShole.

aniwaex.
erieone was blisSed out. even wifout takin estaCy.

right afta da count down, caught a glimpse of JJ's outfit. and i reli mean onlie a glimpse. and itx lyk... plain. but aniwaex, his 2nd song was wholeheartedly dedicatin tO his fri3n Jay (female) whuse birdae fallx right on x'mas. sweEt.

nOt onlie da teEnagerx but even da unClex and auntiex were swoOnin ova JJ. suCha rare sight on earth eh?? geEx. but he used tO seem supaficial tO mi untill yesternite. wen hiS talent reli shone. and ova nite, he'd gain one xtra fan namin yajing.

shitTily i kana sprayed. all ova muai new converSie baggie and muai hair!! and i'd tot we might all meEt again da verie next dae. in hospital. HA! but jeremy said it was a goOd sign, cuz ppl onlie spray goOd loOkin gerlx. *nO logiC lorh...*

and derez diz blaCk guy whu sprayed intO muai eyex summore. MAN! i yelled STOP!! but bfore da f* word cud escape from muai mouth, i swallowed it baCk. cuz he stopped and loOked kinda remorse. *argh faker*

and diz guy whum i lyk sent mi home. feElin quite se bu de and nearlie spilt sumting he kept askin. *bleargh* smart mi. neva tell... nO lahx... cuz he told mi he'z gonna wait fer *a gerl* and send her home afta mi. goSh. shud i haf broken down right den?? heCk. but den he kept denyin dat he lykz her lehx. strange ar... whu carez aniwaex...

and muai siS complained abt mi cumin home late wif smellin hair. *sum1 perliz smaCk her*

aniwaex... if omittin da touchy part and da faCt dat bryan wasnt wif us *us...* moz of da tym, itx an awesum x'mas eve yeppx.

**********

erm thanx fer ppl whu wiShed mi.

ginny.xiao millie. millie. li xuan. yeewen. dinah. jeremy. baolian. bryan. huanzZie. geOrgina. eriCa. peiqi. jinyan and fiona. xinyi. xiangying. val. zOe. junxing. soCks. wang zi. Izumi. ivan and ivory. lucus. sihui. wee peng. sermin. zhanting. qinzhi. yuyang. regina. terrenCe. mr darren. haocong. xXx (guy in blaCk lolx). yanling. zhihao. aunt u...

gotTa emphasize on one... JUNXING!! moz unexpeCted de haAx.

and dere'z diz steven guy ar... called last min tell mi merrie x'mas. he kinda crapped wad... if i kana stoOd up by muai fri3n whum i was waitin at da bedok control sta... he wud happie new yr mi. how retardin iSh his statement??

in caSe misSed out ya name imma damn sorrie. cuz i still feElin quite dizZy sinCe diz mornin. slept toO late and wake toO early le lahx... moronic mi yeah.

got muai presSie from santa... santa lin lolx... thanx fer dat... thou actualie... i had one muai self wmahaahaa... appreciate it... muaCk. hOpe da real santa blesS u yeah...!!

10 more minx b4 x'mas endx. treasure diz beautiful moment kaex...

erie one, merrie x'mas yeah.

shud i...??

2004-12-23T01:40:00.000+08:00

yosSie blogGie-

due tO muai ultimatenesS muai mum'd decided tO grant mi diz speCial permisSion tO goin Orchard fer diz x'mas count down u seE... how... miraculous?! erm soO itx lyk... whOa. kkaex im reli exCited (goin ecCentriC nearlie) kae cuz finalie, itx all dat ive beEn waitin fer i suppose?? erie one wanted freEdom izn it?? fer onCe, wifout all dose heCk restrictionx and controlx, im freE. praise da Lord.

im nOt reframed. yay.

erm oOyeah. guesS wad... u-noe-whu aCtulie fiShed mi. oOmuaiGod. itx lyk... DAMN. laughin muai asS off i'd neva tot he wud ask kae... bO da least idea. erm... wadeva lahx im jux merelie toO happie tO type animore properly liaox kae...?!

YOU'RE JUST AS IGNORANT TO HOW BLOODY EMOTIONALLY OVERWHELMED I AM!!

kkaex datz fer all im willin tO reveal. yay.

muai siS bot diz reli cute ost of spongebOb muveE. itx heavenlie.

nitex.

natiOnal treasUre

2004-12-20T23:59:00.000+08:00

eh sorrIe erie one includin muai self... diz entry'z sorta lyk erm... dizappointin one lah hor... i oso dunno wad i conveyin eh... i seEk ya tolerationx. nitex yeah.

u set muai heart beatin.

and u mesSed up muai totx.

i can tink of noting wen ya on muai mind.

***********

he nOex dat i lyk him.

goSh.

i dint expeCt he wud find out de...

but niCkx dun lie.

nOpe dey dun.

***********

and muai niCk betrayed mi.

nOt da leaSt idea he'd cum online soO suddenlie de lorh...

lolx and he'd asked mi abt it.

of cuz i denied!!

hIppo iSh nO foOliSh a devil kae.

[i may be a bitCh]

[but brilliant one]

[lmao]

[call mi a bitCh cuz i speak wadz on muai mind.]

2004-12-18T21:32:00.000+08:00

muai internet'z throwin a tantrum.
it refuSed reCeivin songx from Sam.
his prob or mine??
and half wayyy thru convox i got signed off.
he wasnt dere tO stay wen i got baq on.
audiouz.
nO wayyy.
nO wayyy he'z gonna be angrie ova diz.
iSh he??

muai cousSie aint dat kinda person. lolx.

**********

horrible! terrible!! itx imposSible!!!

huanzZie got... grounded??
nahx.
she kana puniShed.
funnie.
muai mum neva doeS diz tO mi.
even wen shez f*ckin angrie.
she neva tried not allowin mi tO reaChin da fone tO ans callx.
neva in hIstory.
but huanzZie mum did.
she refused her call and in a polite tone.
ask mi if itx aniting urgent.
and i replied wadz da faCt.
i onlie replyin her previous misSed call.
a call dat was misSed fer omoz an hour.
wen it was bside mi all along.
funnie how tingx goes iznt it.
sorrIe but cant help it now.
jux hope she'd stealthily call mi baq??
eh...
merelie cuz she haven complete her hw.
wadx da pig tail aniwaex.
i noe plenty of ppl whum haven even get deir handx on ani of em yet.
mi.

**********

and i painted muai tOe nailx blaCk.
absolute blaCk.
but itx definatelie nOt sumting coOl.
nOt sumting worthy tO spend muai tym on.
esp wen christmas iSh damn near.

**********

and he'd asked mi out fer lyk...
dinner?!
iznt it f*ckin earli??
it was onlie lyk...
5.pm plus?!
...
ive got muai breakfaSt at 1pm plus kae?!
but whiCh f*cker has deir breakfaSt at 1pm plus??
again.
mi.
and again.
da fone was right bside wen i got his unexpeCted sms.
but guesS wad.
i dint reply.
and it toOk mi omoz 40 minz b4 i finalie deCided tO.
cuz i was online doin.
sTuffx.
rippin muai cds.
and chattin.
and updatin fri3nster.
and browsin.
and taggin.
and researChin on globalisation.
and bloOperx.
and.
sTuffx.
till now.

sOo wen i replied.
he told mi.
"it's too late!"
heCk.
he said he had tO ruSh tO a conCert at 6.45pm.
i replied him at lyk 5.45!!
goSh.
lyk i care.
lolx.
funnie guy.
2molo can seE him.
aniwaex.
itx churCh dae.
oO.

**********

and im jux.
glad.
as in.
real glad.
cuz.
u cam.
and u tAgged.
wad more can i expeCt.
lol.
im lyk.
mad.
P-enny
A-nd
M-e
itx in.
muai heart.
playin it ova.
and ova...

**********

sOo im feElin.
sOrta diff.
cuz of da new wayyy im tryin tO stiCk tO fer bloggin??
perhapx.
*shrugx*
whu carex.
but deEp in da botTom of muai broken heart.
da ans liex.
*sharp scream*

itx bcuz.
of.
yo.uu"
i noe;
u noe.

we'd a long convo yeSternite.
and i'd realized dat.

YOU'RE SHITTY RIGHT.

i tot none of muai pain cud show thru.
i tot u wud probably take 4eva tO notiCe.
i tot u neva care oredie.
and i tot more..

but da convo proved mi wrong.

bet diz iSh da onlie tym wen im wrong.
yet still felt gladnesS sOo ova whelmin.

you're the one to whom i gave and received.
you're an angel in disguise of a pervert.
don't deny it.
and you're the first of a guy to whom the hand i've held.
you're the real first.
of whom i'd realized my love lies.
or used to lie.

**********

diz wayyy of bloggin iSh tirin.
and i found muai self simply more diztant.
tO bloggin up tO da standard dat i desired.
i dunno wad i wanna.

im a weird gerl.

yeppx.
thanx.

[call mi a bitCh cuz i speak wadz on muai mind]

muai businesS.

2004-12-17T20:08:00.000+08:00

[guesSin correCtlie da orignal title and original Singer entitlex u tO a All-Day-Long kisSin sesSion wif chiO bu Xu Chun Mei.] [p.s/ while stOckx laSt dun regret. -'p]

Cigars in the summertime
Under the sky by the light
I can feel you read my mind
I can see it in your eyes
Under the moon as it plays that music every line
There's a rug with the bleedin dye
Under the fan in the room where the passion's burnin high
By the chair with the leopard skin under the light
It's always Penny and me tonightI said woah oh
On the plane step with both my feet
Ridin in seat number three on a trip to NYC
Got a bean in my coffee cup next to my seat
Catch the view and another good book to read
Sittin at home on the friendly skies missin her eyes
It's always Penny and me tonight
Cuz Penny and me like to roll the windows down
Turn the radio up, push the pedal to the ground
And Penny and me like to gaze at starry skies,
Close our eyes, pretend to fly
It's always Penny and me tonight
A million stars out tonight but still Penny and I are alone beneath the skies
If only the two of us could try to take these wings and fly
Away to where the leaves turn red,
Not to where I am insteadSinging along to feelin alright,
I said woah oh
And makin it by in the pink moonlight
It's always Penny and me tonight
Penny likes to get away, and drown her pain in lemonade
Penny dreams of rainy days, and nights up late by the fireplace
And aimless conversations about the better days
Singin along to feelin alright
And makin it by in the pink moonlight
It's always Penny and me tonight

tummie hurtz

2004-11-09T23:21:00.000+08:00

i cant afford tO let u near mi again.

stop hauntin mi wif ya honey-dipped tongue and perliz, fer real, quit insertin heart-meltin wordz intO mi waddafuCk life oredie. mi heart iSh wayyy toO vulnerable fer ya slap-goOd surpriSez.

im not siCk of u and neither am i tired of ya sweEtnesS but seriousli, why do u hafta be all mr nicey infront of mi alone wen ya actuali all cold wen u've got ya fri3nx neared??

kz: i kan't kontrol being nice to you

cut da crap and drop ya act diz instant boi!! dun present mi yet and again wif all da sickenin heart breakz. perliz, dun.

i indeEd contradict miself. yet wad can i do?? i jux simply failed in bringin miself tO revealin da truth dat im still in lurve. no matter how hard i tried, itz uselesS tO erasin u from mi mind, tO makin miself wholly get da idea dat our relationship has oredie beEn put tO sleEp.

has oredie bcum part of da past. a bygone. a hIstory.

dere'z noting anione can eva do tO aggravate our current relationship. fer it has oredie reached itz bottom moz. dun make it sink ani further. leave mi a pleasant impresSion of u.

diz evasostrong misery iSh threatenin tO engulf mi whole.

lurve mi. or leave mi alone fer goOd.

i'd keEp avoidin u...

`__till da day im able tO get mi eyez off u completeli.

* * * * * * * * * * *

bleargh.-~*

2004-11-05T15:04:00.000+08:00

*ar biSh*

erm... had gotTen miself quite a brand new loOk by changin mi hairstyle lateli and onli few claimed it was niCe. blah. soO haAx, ive gone tO Toni and Guy again tO get another patentli brr... brand new loOk. stammerin. i was tremblin whole while i had diz funnie haircut yesternite. cuz i was alone. and i kinda felt lyk fleEin bfore da hairdresSer namely Kelvin cud get his marvellous pair of talented handz on mi hair. he'z talented. fer ive acCidentali eavedropped his lil convo wif his erm... hairdresSin fri3n or sumkind. and i jux soO happen tO find out dat he playz fantastiC guitar. oOkae soO maybe dat exaggeratin. but heard dat he'z performed on stage bfore soO... skillz shudnt be bad huh. and well, he singz toO. goOd!! i lurve listenin tO guyz sing. toO bad. ive not da least detailz abt diz Kelvin guy. HA.

aniwaex as u can tell... i went dere more lyk tO observe Kelvin than tO get miself a funnie haircut. tokkin abt funnie, well, i jux cudnt figure out if ani otherz wud fit other than it.

boO.

i faked siCk and gotTa miself a rest at homie 2dae~ sweEt homie. shhh... dun tell sihui or i'd die rottin in da empty frozen guitar roOm wif frankie shi!! blah. i lurve guitar but... i jux dun seEm tO be catchin up wif all da otherz u seE... and dat kinda got mi tinkin intO transferin cca. but either wayyy, mi cca pointz are gone fer sure. absent fer not lesS than da no. of mi fingerz added tO tOez oredie... bleargh!!

soO aniwaex afta ive gotTen mi hairstyle, omoz immediateli, i dropped eriCa da nosSy chio bu fri3n of mine an emergenCy call. blah. she cant call help laughin at mi. well, wad choice am i left wif?? soO... i merely joined her in laughin at miself. bleah. wad a FRIEND!!

oOYeah... and i'd ran awayy from huanzZie and esteE and yihan. reason orh... moOd swing bah. huanzZie got it all wrong. i wasnt angri at her. and i dint run awayy cuz i'd mizundastoOd da whole situation. and i'd bet yihan muz had beEn in a darn confused manner. blah. lyk i even care tO explain tO u. *slapz yajing*

argh. dar big fat asSed eriCa haven call mi out yet. how darn.

impromtu shoppin fer mi longli eyed semi long rainbow hand twisted skirt. it merely loOked heavenli a clothe. blah. wadeva it iSh, im gonna make it mine!! HA! get ya eyez off it peEpz. itz mine and onli. yay.

oOpz... misS mi dear lehx... her plane left at 7.50 diz mornin while i was still huggin another female bolster in mi armz. shhh...!! kkae itz darn lowli lame. erm she shud haf reached oredie bah... dunno where she headin tO heEx 4got oredie... wanling yay... sucha niCe gerl. bleah. dun u ppl cum stealin her.

datz abt all soO far bah... erm Sundae serviCe diz weEk. loOkin rather 4ward tO it than usual. hOpe tO seE Jeremy ar. he soO darn funnie. yeSh. funnie iSh da right word tO use here.

1derful'04 bbq 2molo. cheEse~

2nd November 2004

2004-11-02T09:15:00.000+08:00

despite short, da tym i used tO return home from Changi airport reli got mi intO deEp tinkingz.

nah, nobody'z tokkin abt guyz here. not 2dae. haAx.

soO ive went tO send Linda off wif Gi jux now. expected, we're late. *blah* and jux da wayyy she loOked from i last seEn her reli made mi go whOa heh err ar... itz not lyk she loOked hideous *obviouzly NOT* or sumting liddat. she'z owaex da kinda of gerlz whum i'd tot wud get guyz goin. u noe. blah. im merely tryin tO say dat she'z absolutely gorgeous i tell u. but... i still dun tink im used tO her new changez yet... she'd got herself double eyelidz thru cosmetiC surgery but sure enuff, her loOkz iSh still as heavenly as i tot dey were.

thou we may still be da best of fri3nx lyk bfore but wad im tryin tO convey here iSh dat... tingz btw us will not owaex be da same animore u get wad i mean...?? cuz... ppl do change. Linda and i used tO kinda dizcriminate ppl whu unda-go plastiC surgeries and yet, now... trust mi, erieone changez in one wayyy or another. soOner or lata.

*wipez a tear*
erm let'z digresS shall we...

eh currently im pattin on da lil doggie *stuff toy* Linda gave mi jux now fer... mi birdae?? haAx not verie sure, 4got wad she said oredie... blah. heard Gi said itz from Give A Name de bah. erm... one ting'z weird abt diz cute lil toy creature. guesS wad... it smellz lyk grape juiCe. HA. aniwaex itz dose kind whiCh iSh in a red cheCked jaCket and has fluffy white cum grey furz. if im not wrong, it shud be a pekinese. =)

and i'd given her a bouquet of roSez consiStin of white, light pink and pink. and she told mi she lurve it =] yay. at least mi effort in wrappin dose lil fragile half-livin tingy did not go intO waste. but sumhow it'd ocCupied lotTa of mi tym u noe... cuz da Auntie sellin dese pleasant smellin tingy cheated mi. lolx. originali i'd choSen white pink and blue... *DIY dat kind of blue* it was beautiful. but wen i got home riGht... da petalz all drop. no wonder she charged mi $12 instead of $14, sayin datz cuz she tot i was cute. HA. wad a white lie...

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

rmb i mentioned abt mi and mi deEp totz at da beginning of diz entry... yeah... i dunno... afta dizmisSin Gi at Tanah Merah jux now i started tO get miself tinkin...

What Determines The Coolness Of A Person??

ive learnt it from miself and i kinda tink dat ive got da ans sumhow, thou u guyz may not wholly agreE wif mi. tO mi, perhapz bein a suCker fer more ear pierCinz NO LONGER iSh da kinda "in" trend animore. and sinCe da no. of pierCinz got on one'z ear doesnt make him/her sumone whuz considered as "coOl" oredie, i decided tO get mi belly pierCed instead. HA.

and ive oredie got one.
*sureleE one lorh~*

letz keEp digresSin kae...

and blah. recently dere'z diz perSon whum i reli had 4gotTen whu it was but aniwaex... she commented dat i was fashionable and well, tryin tO fake humble, i politely asked why izzit soO and noe wad she replied...?? fer referenCe:

perSon unknown: *dilating her eyes* "because ive noticed that youve got a orange plaster on each of the back of your ankles and they sure go well with your addidas shoes."

mi: *smiley faCe turned intO a frown omoz immediateli* "jerk."

perSon unknown: *loOked rather confuSed* "huh?"

mi: *mumbling to myself* "jerk."

perSon unknown: "hey that was a compliment can?" *i see fumes*

mi: *IRRITATED* "i got those cuts yesterday while running to all saints church yesterday. hapy now?"

[terSely i ended dat damn boliao convO and dat perSon uttered no sound aftaward toO.]

now iznt dat sad tO haf sucha convoz... lolx but i promise such tragiCz wun take plaCe again. blah. well actuali if ocCasSional happen oso no harm wad... heEx. =]

oOyeah recently started sendin msgz tO and fro on fri3nster wif diz "famouz" guy in mi skoOl. haAx. neva tot i wud getTa noe him cuz he'z not goOd loOkin. oOpz. *tongue out* if onlie his darlin gerlfri3n acCidentali cum acrosS mi blog i'd DIE. woO... seE?? im soO SCARED dat even mi Cd iSh tremblin oredie!! *grinzZz*

boO.
*sureleE one lorh~*

oOkae put on ya blindfold and i'll reveal his name. done??
he'z Wang Zi lorh. *bleah*

thou i dun reli haf da sliGhtest pleasant feElin 2wardz his lurveli gerlfri3n, da u-noe-whu, but still i wiSh em 4eva happie 2gether. sincereli. ('v')b<--*da "im innocent" loOk* goSh pimplez are mi greatest foez of all. haAx. u cant bring mi down~ wait till i get mi new pimple creamz on ya!! boO. u cant bring mi down. neither can i let u dizfigure mi faCe. no wayyy oO~ elephunk rawkzZz!! *glanCez ahead* da doggie Linda presented iSh currently layin inactively on mi pilez of Cd. "dont you dare to spoil or chew on any of them!!" yelled yajing. goSh aint i insane enuff. but hafta admit fer sure dat... shoutin at non livin tingy sure iSh alot of FUN!! cuz bein able tO smile and lauGh iSh indeEd mi pleasure. reli wonder how long has it beEn sinCe i last lauGhed... itz funnie how fast im able tO bring changez tO miself.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

afta dinnin in Orchard dunno wad heaven-hell restaurant i kinda picked uo mi courage and haf a lil convO wif mi mum while wakin round in ngee ann city wif aunt and all tO shop fer fonez...

mi: *putz on innocent loOk* "why do you always scold me for not smiling infront of ppl i dont like??"

MOTHER: *frowns* "its stuck up. quit it."

mi: "unlike you adults, i hate putting on different faces infront and behind one another."

MOTHER: "manners. shouldnt you know the very basic of it?"

mi: *rolls eyes and points at cousin* "how about him? dont i even get the very least of freedom to not to entertain him?"

MOTHER: *horrific glares*

mi: *hesitate NOT* "dont always think that you know everything well. especially when you really dont." *stomped off*

[itz reli funnie of how fast i made up wif mi mum toO cuz by da tym i came out of Addidas wif a bag of Addidas bag, we're actin normal again. *hur*]

*phew* and upon recallin it, cold sweatz are smoOthli rollin down da mi back despite itz hairynesS. HAA HAA HAA. SURELeE ITZ HAIRY LORH.

aniwaex i reli cud haf sumwad gotTn a slashingly-painful smackin sharp slap datz omoz comparable tO bein run ova by a heavy vehicle drivin at 120 km/h. soO itz lyk i actuali riSked mi faCe tO bein printed wif a permenantli blue-blaCk slap print. eternali. jux da sound of it freakz mi out!! *real faint*

yawnz. im darn tired out believe mi...

weak legz sinCe da verie early morn wen i got out of bed. neva take breakfaSt den hurried off tO meEt Gi liaox...

[hao lei ar... *arGh*] <--soundz familiar iznt it... kkaez nO guyz riGht... got it haAx... lalalala~

>> >>--->

Hippo.-*~ i'll wait fer u tO grow up kido. i will.

Yoshikuni Ayumi †[blaCk and white]†

<--<< <<

[frankli ive no idea wad mi msn niCk iSh abt oso... jux dat... well... intuition?? blah.]

a BIG THANK YOU tO dose whu wiShed mi.

thou sum late oredie ar... erm thanx lah.

u may not noe but...

u'd actuali made mi day.

~*-.niteyyy.-*~

EndlesS

2004-11-01T15:34:00.000+08:00

Death, the second of The Endless, you are
responsible for ending all lives and taking
them to your realm, from which no one ever
returns. You are bright, positive, happy,
optimistic and enjoy everything about life, but
that does not mean your silly or stupid. You
can lay the smack down when you have to!
Everyone loves you, and they don't know why.

Which Endless are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

1.03. lurve = hatre

2004-11-01T13:14:00.000+08:00

delirious i reli was wen i received his msg. but sadly, it was toO late. mi heart went and met da wall. lurve. 4eva dead..

1st i lOst him. den it was u. and now?? even da Lord iSh partin wif mi.

[misS u lyk da rain]
[keEpz mi heart drenChed]
[and neva ceaSe]

at 1.03 am. 1st November 2004. da equation of lurve = hatre. 4 eternali appliez.

now dat im left wif noting but pain.
smile fer mi aniwaex.

OFFICIAL FUCKWIT HE INDEED IS ONE

2004-10-25T21:43:00.000+08:00

IF I WERE TO MAKE TO FACE HIM FOR AN EXTRA SEC MORE I RATHER THROW MYSELF OUT THE KITCHEN WINDOW AND DIE I TELL YOU!!

WHO DO YOU EVEN THINK YOU ARE?! IN MY EYES YOU ARE NOTHING BUT A TOERAG!! AND I MEAN IT!! I'VE NEVER BEEN SO PISSED BY ANYONE BUT HIM!! AND HIM!! HOW AUDIOUS IS THIS GUY?!

YOU ARE SPENDING WAYYY TOO MUCH TIME WITH MY MUM ALREADY YOU KNOW?! JERK PERLIZ LAHX, JUX GO SOMEWHERE IN THE CORNER OF THE WORLD AND JUST CURL UP AND DIE LAHX!! EVERYWHERE BUT HERE!!

HOW MUCH I ACTUALLY WISHED THAT YOU WOULD BE MATURE ENOUGH TO EVEN GET WHAT I AM TRYING TO CONVEY!! JUST SCRAM LAH WILL YOU!! STOP STICKING TO MY MUM LIKE SOME KINDA BABY WHO STILL NEEDS A PACIFIER CAN!! SUCK YOUR THUMB AND MOVE ONE CAN?!

INTOLERABLE HYPOCRITE FAKEY SHAMELESS HELLBOY TOERAG FUCKWIT TWERP DUMBELL CUM GIGANTIC JERK LAH WEIZHENG!!

IM DARN SICK AND TIRED OF BEING SICKED AND TIRED OF YOU!!

YOU JUST DONT KNOW HOW MUCH I'D WANTED YOU TO GET CAPTURED BY SOME PERVERTIC OLD MAN AND THEN BECOMES HIS LAB RAT OR WHAT SO EVER LIKE I EVEN BOTHER TO FIGURE OUT FOR YOU!! YOU SUCK MORE THAN MOSQUITOES CAN?! JUST HELL YOU OFF LAHX!!

WHAT IN THE HELL DID I DO TO DESERVE THIS KINDA FUCKINGLY MARVELLOUS "COUSIN" HUH?! DID I ARSON?! OR YOU THINK I MURDERED YOUR FATHER IZZIT?! WHAT THE FUCK LA! YOU MIGHT AS WELL YOU BANG YOUR STOOPID FUCKING BRAINLESS HEAD ONTO THE WALL BIG DEAL I'LL CLEAN UP LAHX!! BANG HARDER WOR I SO SCARE YOU WONT DIE!!

*HUR*

HE SIMPLY MAKEZ MI WANNA PULL MI HAIR OUT STRAND BY STRAND YOU KNOW?!

FUCK OFF LAH YOU DO YOU KNOW THAT IT'S ACTUALLY HUMILIATING TO KNOW THAT WE'RE EVEN RELATED?! GOSH YOU BELONG TO HELL OF NERDYS TRYING GUTS OUT TO FAKE BENGS OKAY?!

DONT THINK YOU CAN DO AND SAY WHATEVER HECK RUBBISH YOU WANT JUST BECAUSE YOU KNOW MY MUM WOULD BE BACKING UP FOR YOU!!

WHY IS SHE ACTUALLY SCOLDING ME SO DARN HARSHLY INSTEAD OF POINTING AT YOUR NOSE AND COMTEMPLATING TO SLAP YOU HARD?! WHY IS SHE STILL TRYING TO DEFEND YOU WHEN IT INDEED IS YOUR FAULT?! YOU ARE AT THE WRONG TRACK MISTER!! WHAT THE LORH!!

KNOW WHAT?! YOU DONT EVEN DESERVE MY TIME WASTED HERE!!

GET A LIFE WILL YOU?!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

torn btw thoughts

2004-10-22T23:45:00.000+08:00

*~i loOk tO God~*.x.*~and i truly believe~*

[p/s. diz entry seEmz tO be dedicated tO sum1 but nOpe, people, it iSh merely out of da urge of typin and sharin. smile fer mi.]

i noe i lurve God

but mi heart tellz mi dat i lurve u much more.

D

i tot i cud move on wifout u

yet even B'z existence doesnt help to pull mi thru.

o

while ya happie celebratin. graduatin and happily tearin

i was procrastinatin. desperately cryin and painfully reminiscin.

g

i wondered why mi mirror has becum soO dusty

and da answer eventually revealed wen ya name resoundz in my head.

G

fer sinCe da day u walked out of mi vulnerable life. completely

ive lost da courage tO even loOk at miself again. miserably.

i

i was darn determined in gettin ova u da last tym

da tym wen da Streps i bot becumz a ting datz called bygone

e

i tot i cud reli jux move on. simply move on.

and i had beEn told dat i was about tO make it happen.

L

unexpected.

reli excited.

u

cuz sum1 initiated diz short convo

no big deal i tot, itz common. aint it??

r

mi heart lit up in dat veri second i realized it was from u

but den mi heart sank

v

da reason was simple. and itz stoOpid.

and it sumhow tellz mi dat i was defeated.

e

mi effort was wasted

mi tear was activated

z

i noe why i neva wiShed it tO be merely a dream

i noe why i neva wanted tO let dat moment slip away

Z

sumhow i lOst control den

da urge of pisSin u was soO strong dat i actually did.

k

yeSh i regret

but dOes dat mean we can start it all ova??

i

lyk da last tym we did...

can we...

t

i tot mi lurve fer u reli had subsided

and i tot it was obviouz dat ya lurve fer mi had ceased toO.

T

mi colorful wurl has faded tO only black and white

yet tym dint reframe mi from rememberin The Moment we shared.

y

i dun regret, fer i noe it was onCe colorful

i wun regret, fer it was onCe reli beautiful